My Dear Beloved Jonathan

My mother taught me that every woman needs a Jonathan, a woman of virtue that pledges to love you through thick and thin. A woman that will covenant with you for a lifetime of sharing as daughters, sisters, mothers, friends, playmates and every other role that only we as women need and yearn for in our feminine spirit. So many women don’t realize how much they need a sister by their side as a fellow sojourner on this earth. We are keenly aware of our needs for the opposite sex, and many women put a much higher value on these relationships, but there are many things in life that a man cannot share with a woman. And there are many reasons why a healthy woman should never demand that all of her needs be met in just “him”. This is unfair to him and to her. I have seen so many women fall in love and then all of the girls she grew up with and grew close to, fall to the wayside. This is a grave error and can lead to becoming “off center”. Many women will be lucky enough to find more than one Jonathan, but one in a life time is an incalculable treasure.

My Jonathan was not an instant sister. I was given her name through the church I where I was an active member years ago. She lived kitty-corner from me and had three daughters that were relatively the same age as my young daughter. I had signed up to be an area small group Bible Study leader. I was given a list of names. I called each one and explained that we would be meeting once a week or once every other week and that the study would be interesting and informative. Each person I talked to seemed receptive and said they would most likely attend. I dialed her number and spoke briefly with her. She was terse and explained that she already had too many commitments and that she went to a great women’s Bible study that she could barely keep up with, along with her family commitments. I tried to explain that it would be more that it would be more than just a Bible study. We would cultivate friendships and a Christian community environment. She didn’t seem impressed and said she would think about it. We were neighbors, I couldn’t understand her hesitation. I am an extrovert and she is a pleasant, introvert who proudly admits to enjoying back seat driving in relationships and social interactions.

She passed by my house one day and saw me mowing the lawn. She knew I worked full time, had kids and helped run the women’s ministry at the church. She thought she would have nothing in common with me. She was a stay at home mom whose devoted husband worked all hours of the night and day to make it that way. She loved being a mother and spent every ounce of energy making sure she was doing it right. I loved working outside the home but I also enjoyed being a mom. Then I was laid off from my job during a corporate takeover. By this time, she and her family were coming to the small group Bible study almost weekly and she started to warm up to me. Our girls started to play together. She started to home school her girls and I tried to talk her out of it. Soon, I was home schooling Miriam, and it was one of the happiest times of my life. We spent hours and hours together when the girls played. I usually always and still do go to her house when we visit. I don’t mind and I enjoy being there in the hub of activity. I only ever really raised one child at a time. My house was boring compared to hers. I loved watching her three girls, each with a unique identity but an exceptional sameness. They were all so different and their house reminded me of the book, “Little Women”. Miriam and I so loved this place, this home, and it felt like ours. While the girls played Barbie’s or dressed up and held plays and circuses, Beth and I would play verbal Barbie’s and talk about our dreams, visions and goals.

Sometimes we became enraptured in the things of God and talked and prayed for hours. Sometimes we talked about our problems and the “him” problems in our life. Our encounters were like when you take out your favorite handbag that you carry everywhere and you have decided it is time to clean it out. You dump everything out and the slowly throw away the junk and reorganize the contents. That is what we did and still do for each other. No matter what we are processing, we dump it all out, unfettered, shaken out without restraint and then we pick through the junk, the lies, the hurts, the bruises, the sweet, kind and good, and we put it in some order and put back just the real stuff back in the bag.

This sounds like a perfect friendship. It wasn’t from the get go. She is late for everything, I love being early. She has no sense of time, and I used to plan every minute. I like to make quick decisions; she labors for hours to make hers. When I go on vacation, I start packing a week in advance, or at least a day ahead. I have watched her decide to go on vacation at midnight and leave the next morning with her entire enclave. I invited her and her girls on a trip in my big blue van for over a month and she never made up her mind one way or the other. My mother, Miriam and I were literally driving away from my house and I only slightly exaggerate when I say she and her girls were running behind us throwing their stuff into the moving vehicle. This is just a small window into how different we were from each other, and yet the same.

And our girls . . . anyone that has girls knows how precarious their young, tender relationships are with other girls. And any mother knows how difficult it is to navigate your daughter through the rapids of conflict. Honestly, we almost crashed and burned many times during these years, but we came up with the idea of making a David and Jonathan covenant to hold us together. We discussed that someday, in the future, our girls might need the other mother as a substitute or that we might be hurt, sick, poor or bereft and that the other would have to help carry the burdens. So we did it. We pledged to be true in conflict and in peace. But God had given us to each other and God sealed the deal. Whenever the friendship was broken He pieced it back together. He gave us joy in the journey through life together. At this point in life, the burdens we have carried for each other were in truth, too heavy to ever be carried alone or together. We have co-mothered and co-labored, but it was a three-fold cord, not easily broken that held the friendship intact. God was the one who prevailed and gave strength to each of us to be His loving arms in the flesh in the here and now.

I honestly might not be writing this right now, if years ago, the God of relationship, had not possessed two women to covenant together to do this life. My dear beloved Jonathan, I thank my God for you every time I remember His gift to me, you.

"In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the old they are a comfort and aid in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds.” -- Aristotle