When Miriam started school, we did everything. She went to Christian school, public school, homeschooled and finally skipped a few grades and went right to community college. During her last few years at home, our marriage fell apart, our business failed, we lost our cars and home and her whole world was upside down day after day. They were both raised by the same parents but because of their different environments, they look at things from a different perspective. They love each other dearly, yet many times they have to have grace for each other and recognize that they are still connect by the flesh and blood of the Sheehan family.
That is very similar to us as Christians. When we accept Christ as our Savior we become blood relatives through His death on the cross. But we are all raised up in him in different environments, families, churches, economic conditions and basic personalities. It is sometimes hard to understand each other and we measure each other by our “ruler” of what we think a Christian is supposed to be. This is normal and natural and sometimes we expect more from Christians than they can provide.
Forgiveness is one of these Christian commodities that seems to have died out in our religious circles. Every Christian at some time is going to make a mistake. Screw up! Say or think the wrong thing. Every Christian will at some time offend another brother or sister in Christ. The answer is simple but we make it so difficult. The one who has offended acknowledges their sibling in Christ’s pain or hurt and they repent before God. Then they return to the person they offended and confess their sin. The next step is a tricky one. The Bible clearly states, “Confess your faults one to another, PRAY for each other that you may be healed.” Prayer sets the stage for forgiveness, restitution and the resurrection of relationship.
There are always at least two sides to every story and two completely different perceptions of what happened and how. The enemy loves distortion, disharmony and divisiveness. In every interaction, each side must give and take. Once an apology is offered to the offended party, it is now up to that individual to receive it. If you harbor unforgiveness you are allowing hardness of heart to take over in not only that relationship but also in future relationships. Unforgiveness and bitterness have long tenticles. God says that “lovingkindness leads us to repentance.” If guilt, condemnation and preaching would change people, we wouldn’t need Jesus. Grace is the only way to total freedom for you and your brothers and sisters in Christ. Walk a mile in their shoes. Pray for insight into why they hurt you or offended you. Ask God to soften your heart for others. Remember the older brother of the prodigal son who wanted his wayward, mistake-making, ignorant younger brother to pay and suffer for his poor choices. His heart was hardened and he missed out on the beautiful celebration of the restoration of fellowship with one who was once lost.
I have lived long enough to know that everyone will someday make a mistake and need the grace of another. It is just a matter of time. I pray that God keeps my heart soft toward those who hurt me and that God blesses them in spite of their spite. Some Christians can only forgive if they can “get their pound of flesh” first. They rub the person’s nose in their sins before they can “graciously” forgive. Some Christians just cut off fellowship with the other person. This is sad because each relationship is ordained by God to work something in your life. If you don’t allow this work to be accomplished, you will have to go through it again, with another relationship, another lost friendship. Unforgiveness will affect every area of your life and will even threaten your health. “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted forgiving each other.” Don’t be that older brother of the prodigal and miss out on the celebration of forgiveness and restoration.
"Without forgiveness, there's no future." Desmond Tutu
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