Thank you God for loving me in spite of myself and the mistakes I have made.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tALFOADf5M
Never Been Unloved Lyrics
Michael W. Smith
I have been unfaithful
I have been unworthy
I have been unrighteous
And I have been unmerciful
I have been unreachable
I have been unteachable
I have been unwilling
And I've been undesirable
And sometimes I have been unwise
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of
But because of you
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved
I have been unbroken
I have been unmended
I have been uneasy
And I've been unapproachable
I've been unemotional
I've been unexceptional
I've been undecided
And I have been unqualified
Unaware, I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see
The sacrifice you made for me
To show that I have never been unloved
Unaware, I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see
The sacrifice you made for me
To show that I have never been unloved
It's because of you
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved
I have been unfair
I have never been unloved
Never been unloved
Never been unloved
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Arm Chair Quarterbacks
“Football is an honest game. It's true to life . It's a game about sharing. Football is a team game. So is life.” Joe Namath
Armchair Quarterbacks! Those awesomely brilliant, omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, people who sit safely on their high horse or in their padded, leather, lazy boy with their footrest supporting their relaxed uninvolved body, mind and spirit. They know it all and can tell you from an objective, hindsight 20/20, foresight unfettered with emotional empathy, point of view, and fatted-calf full of what "you should of, could of, would of done in the past and what you can, can't, won't, will, should do next, now or in the future.Why do we put up with them or humble ourselves under their mighty, mushroom cloud of opinion. They rob our energy, sap our strength and blow out any of the grace, and unfailing love God is trying to, or has deposited or downloaded into the situation and His beloved child walking alone through the darkest of night.
So why do we do it? Why do we ask for help and advice? Somewhere in our lives we reach a series of road blocks, heartbreak, disasters, life altering situations, etc. and we know that we can't go on alone. Just like in Pilgrim's Progress, like Christian, there are times when we travel alone and times where we long, ache and plead to be able to travel with Hopeful or Faithful, because "two are better than one". Our hearts cry out for a "Jonathan" to give us, "David", a clue, advice, " should we stay or should we go?" We stand in the field of decision or the valley of despair looking, staring and wishing for help from a friend.
"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. "(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 KJV) All that to say that there is something built deep with in us that does not like "being in the shadow of death" or the "trials by fire" by ourselves.
We were built for real relationship not the fake, "How are you? Fine, thanks for asking", bull shit* that is all around us. In the church, work, neighbors and sometimes even family, we cannot always be ourselves and communicate the depth of our despair because of the sanctimonious platitudes that will shoot more arrows into our already bleeding spirit, soul, mind and body. Sometimes we are not honest because the audience we are surrounded with will only be able to see our words through their well-rested, well-fed, well-loved, "high on life" and God entity that defines them.
Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good people with no experience in empathy or embracing the hurting think it is their job to judge, instruct, educate or evaluate the plays and strategies put in place by the broken hearted so they can exist for one more day.
We all do it sometime. I remember watching the movie of the guy who had to cut off his arm off to get out of dying, trapped in the desert, under a rock. I kept thinking, "why didn't he tell someone where he was going? How dumb!" Who knows why he really didn't tell anyone. He asked himself in the movie the same questions. Did that really have anything to do with the solution or his future. At one point I found myself unable to watch the screen because I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore. Maybe that's why armchair quarterbacks fall so easily into their role of spewing their septic speech. They just want to see winners and look away from the loses and the losers. Their formulas work for them and the "team" around them so they vomit them out for all of those in earshot.
Unfortunately, no matter how loud they yell, the player on the field cannot possibly be helped by those devoted arm chair quarterbacks. They live in two different worlds and realities. The quarterback is fighting a battle on blades of grass and puddles of dirt and chalk. He is trying to remember perfectly the play book solutions but there are times when he just has to call it, win or lose, he is in the game. He is in the game! No matter the beating, the pain, the score, he has to get up and call a play. As the real quarterback, huddles up with his team, the arm chair quarter back, cracks open another beer. I would rather be in the game and take my chances with just calling a "play"! At least we are still playing!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Founding of a Family
Family is so important to God and to our society. Family was God's idea and plan. So many thoughts and prayers fly into my head and heart about my children and their start on and the beginning and the founding of each of their families. Leaving your family of origin and starting a new unit is one of the deepest of life's offerings of the experience of pure unconditional love. Family is a gift that God offers us freely as a blessing, but that costs us dearly in learning daily lessons of every life joy and pain by choosing or not choosing to die to self and live for others in the most intimate way. The beginning of the journey is the commitment and passion for another that becomes the fabric of part of your soul, spirit and mind. A friendship with more phases that the sun, moon and stars. A love that grows deeper with every hurdle overtaken and every river crossed with splashes of joy or with just almost drowning completely. With the addition of each new member of the family comes with new blessings and challenges.
Nothing in this relationship remains in perfection except the formation of concrete unconditional love through the highs and the lows of a shared life. Humor being one of God's greatest gift to the successful bedrock of the building of the foundation of His creative mastering of the beloved, unique, and tender new creation. Like snowflakes, no two families are entirely alike. Some live as if the members are an extension of they themselves. Other live with the family as a partition in their fullness of the personality and participation in life itself. Still are those that find their unit of unconditional love, flawed and filled with failure, feeling as if it is and was a millstone around their necks. Many families feel phases of each of these.
If open and humbled, at times we learn more from failure than success. No one can ever really cure us from loneliness besides our creator. Behind every great achievement and personality trait is the flip side, and ugly upside down powerful character defect. Love of our life partners is the treasury of heaven here on earth. Sometimes we are flush in the flow of it's currency and other times we dip into such a debit that the darkness of the shadow of death may draw around us. Real respect and the testing of the form of love comes in acceptance of the ebb and flow of our own and others character defects and triumphs. With the addition of each new member of the family, new blessings and challenges to experience.
My father was not a great speaker but a very deep thinker and driven writer. Writing what he would speak if designed in that way where words could pour out. My mother was the words of honey. A soft place to fall with words like the healing balm of Gilead. Her words when spoken are full of fragrance mixed with a healing salve. This was the essence of how they were knit together to bring God's power to this earth in and through His love, flawed and brilliant with all the moments of their lives mixed together. These are two of the richest gifts and inheritance that they gave me. I stand on their shoulders. With such great gifts comes many areas of weakness and trial so that the gift can be refined with selfless purity.
As you are at the beginning of your creation of the tapestry of you own family, I write this to you to use to reflect on what you are bringing from your families of origin into the snowflake of your spirits and souls growing together.
Nothing in this relationship remains in perfection except the formation of concrete unconditional love through the highs and the lows of a shared life. Humor being one of God's greatest gift to the successful bedrock of the building of the foundation of His creative mastering of the beloved, unique, and tender new creation. Like snowflakes, no two families are entirely alike. Some live as if the members are an extension of they themselves. Other live with the family as a partition in their fullness of the personality and participation in life itself. Still are those that find their unit of unconditional love, flawed and filled with failure, feeling as if it is and was a millstone around their necks. Many families feel phases of each of these.
If open and humbled, at times we learn more from failure than success. No one can ever really cure us from loneliness besides our creator. Behind every great achievement and personality trait is the flip side, and ugly upside down powerful character defect. Love of our life partners is the treasury of heaven here on earth. Sometimes we are flush in the flow of it's currency and other times we dip into such a debit that the darkness of the shadow of death may draw around us. Real respect and the testing of the form of love comes in acceptance of the ebb and flow of our own and others character defects and triumphs. With the addition of each new member of the family, new blessings and challenges to experience.
My father was not a great speaker but a very deep thinker and driven writer. Writing what he would speak if designed in that way where words could pour out. My mother was the words of honey. A soft place to fall with words like the healing balm of Gilead. Her words when spoken are full of fragrance mixed with a healing salve. This was the essence of how they were knit together to bring God's power to this earth in and through His love, flawed and brilliant with all the moments of their lives mixed together. These are two of the richest gifts and inheritance that they gave me. I stand on their shoulders. With such great gifts comes many areas of weakness and trial so that the gift can be refined with selfless purity.
As you are at the beginning of your creation of the tapestry of you own family, I write this to you to use to reflect on what you are bringing from your families of origin into the snowflake of your spirits and souls growing together.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Stranger
I met a stranger today and his name was Bradley. He is 29 years old and hooked on heroin. He has an adorable little girl who Is 3 and he has sole custody. They were hungry and I asked if they wanted to come with me for some pizza. I didn’t want to give him money. We sat and talked while his little girl ate and ate piece after piece of pizza. He asked for help because he can’t kick the heroin and he knows it will kill him and take him away from his little girl. He was raised in an abusive home and he has been trying to make a life for himself but he can see nothing but hopelessness and despair. He talked about how he got into the drug using lifestyle. He started out using pain pills for genuine pain due to an accident and then just kept graduating up to more drugs.
Since I met him outside the hospital setting, I tried to get him admitted but they said they were full until tomorrow. Then we tried to figure out where to send his precious little girl while he went through detox and rehab. I called and called people and there was no one to take her. All I could do is share my life with him, all my failures and God’s rescuing power. I tried to breathe life back into him so he would make it one more day. I gave him all kinds of numbers to call and then left him with a leftover pizza and some prayers. Please pray that he will make it out of the desolation and bleakness of addiction into the light of God’s love. Pray for protection for Brooklyn, his beautiful little girl.
Since I met him outside the hospital setting, I tried to get him admitted but they said they were full until tomorrow. Then we tried to figure out where to send his precious little girl while he went through detox and rehab. I called and called people and there was no one to take her. All I could do is share my life with him, all my failures and God’s rescuing power. I tried to breathe life back into him so he would make it one more day. I gave him all kinds of numbers to call and then left him with a leftover pizza and some prayers. Please pray that he will make it out of the desolation and bleakness of addiction into the light of God’s love. Pray for protection for Brooklyn, his beautiful little girl.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Investments
We can have investments that we watch grow and wane in this economy. The only investment that counts is loving and encouraging others. The one thing we can take into eternity is the lives we invest in and take to the next world is people. The other night I sat and talked to a soldier in our Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder (PTSD) unit. It is a crisis unit full of soldiers from all over the country. He had been over there (IRAQ) many times and now he was trying to make it in the “real world”. He could not put the two together. He couldn’t tell his family what he had done over there and what had been done to him. He was scared to go on. He was breaking down and was full of anger. I didn’t know how the end of the night would work out. There were moments when I felt real fear. I was with a “killer”, a person that stated plainly that he could not adjust to coming home. I read his chart quickly. I was on the unit alone that night. Fourteen soldiers and me . . . I was hoping that they would all be o.k., including me. There are many times when I am afraid. This was one of those times.
This soldier, let’s call him “John”, could not sleep. He hadn’t slept since he came back from Iraq the last time. He loved his kid, his wife, the army and his men. How did he end up in this PTSD unit? He was angry. He could really tell what was going on inside him. He was only 26, my son’s age and married one year. He was not able to understand what he was thinking or feeling. He had two emotions. Anger and non-anger were the only two things he could comprehend. He meant to be a good man and a good soldier. Isn’t that what we all want? We all wish to be a “good soldier” and a good person. We all miss the mark. We all fail. Do we ever invest in others and tell them our feelings and thoughts? Honestly, there are times when we are all lost and alone. I shared this with “John” and he was shocked. He thought he was the only one who felt how he felt, alone. He didn’t realize that other’s felt the same way he did. He was isolated and alone in his mind, body and soul. As I listened and talked to him, it was like talking to my own son. Even though I knew that he had been through hell and back, I knew that he wanted all the things that every good man wanted . . . he wanted to be a good husband and father . . . he was lost for a way to find a way to get back to a “normal” life.
We need to invest in people. They are the only things that we can take with us in the journey of the life. Let’s just admit to each other that we all feel anger and non-anger. Anger is so powerful and frightening. We feel anger and don’t see that it is just fear, frustration, anxiety, disappointment, or more. Only some of us can see the true emotions. There are a few of us that have the privilege of interpretation of that unbelievable power of anger. I was “tap dancing” that night. He made it clear that he was about to “blow”. He had it with life and all the ups and downs. He was secluded in all the thoughts and feelings he was having. I truly heard him and could so relate. He longed to feel “normal”. There are no “normal” feelings in this life. We all feel isolated and alone at some point in our journey in life. Let’s just face the truth! What is the right answer in this and every situation we face with others? Who is out there with us?
Let’s just all speak love by our actions and being a “soft place” for others to fall into and let them know that they are not alone. There are so many others that have not been to war but they feel a warring in their souls. “Am I o.k.?” “Am I alone?” “Do others like me feel the same things I feel?” The answer is “yes”! Your feelings are normal no matter how different your circumstances are. . . We want to feel normal. What is it? What is normal? Is there hope for me? Can I go on? Yes, you can is the right answer. There is not only hope for you but there is more for you to do. You can make it. You will live. You can work on honesty and hope. They go hand and hand. Honesty and hope are the greatest investment you can make no matter who you are. Just let it flow. Listen and encourage. Listen and love. Don’t be shocked. It could always be you in whatever situation. It could always be you, except for God’s grace.
I talked to “John” for six hours. And when it was the end of my shift, I knew that I had listened and spoke all the words God had to given me to speak. The next night I came in and I grabbed “John’s” chart. He had attended every group and the mental health technicians and nurses had charted that he had changed. He was trying and had attended every group and seemed happy. You know what made the change? It was someone listening and not being shocked. It was him seeing himself as someone that could go on. . . but not only go on, but be “normal” again if he just faced the “giants” in his life and worked with the crap and the good cards that had been dealt him and still believed in the goodness and grace of God and others. Just like all of us, he needed an “investment”. He needed to dump out all the garbage of his life and have someone invest hope and softness into a hard, difficult life. Instead of fear on that night, I wish I would have seen “potential” and amazing grace. In spite of my fear, God took my small effort and matched it with His glorious grace and produced “HOPE” in a lost soldier, a man who had lost his way for a short time. “John” is going to make it. I believe that! I have to believe that. I watch his chart and see all the others charting on him. They say he is positive and working on his program and recovery. An angry man is starting to change. I love to think that this change is because I loved and invested in him the unconditional love of God and the love of another who didn’t do everything perfect or right. I was just someone who listened and cared. I invested in the future of someone that I hope I met on the other side. Maybe it is not just me but whatever. . . I am so ecstatic to see the amazing change. These are the investments that could pay off for generations. Safe investments, in this economy . . . other people! Just do it. Invest in people. Help bring others out of harm’s way . . . shepherd those you can. Invest!
This soldier, let’s call him “John”, could not sleep. He hadn’t slept since he came back from Iraq the last time. He loved his kid, his wife, the army and his men. How did he end up in this PTSD unit? He was angry. He could really tell what was going on inside him. He was only 26, my son’s age and married one year. He was not able to understand what he was thinking or feeling. He had two emotions. Anger and non-anger were the only two things he could comprehend. He meant to be a good man and a good soldier. Isn’t that what we all want? We all wish to be a “good soldier” and a good person. We all miss the mark. We all fail. Do we ever invest in others and tell them our feelings and thoughts? Honestly, there are times when we are all lost and alone. I shared this with “John” and he was shocked. He thought he was the only one who felt how he felt, alone. He didn’t realize that other’s felt the same way he did. He was isolated and alone in his mind, body and soul. As I listened and talked to him, it was like talking to my own son. Even though I knew that he had been through hell and back, I knew that he wanted all the things that every good man wanted . . . he wanted to be a good husband and father . . . he was lost for a way to find a way to get back to a “normal” life.
We need to invest in people. They are the only things that we can take with us in the journey of the life. Let’s just admit to each other that we all feel anger and non-anger. Anger is so powerful and frightening. We feel anger and don’t see that it is just fear, frustration, anxiety, disappointment, or more. Only some of us can see the true emotions. There are a few of us that have the privilege of interpretation of that unbelievable power of anger. I was “tap dancing” that night. He made it clear that he was about to “blow”. He had it with life and all the ups and downs. He was secluded in all the thoughts and feelings he was having. I truly heard him and could so relate. He longed to feel “normal”. There are no “normal” feelings in this life. We all feel isolated and alone at some point in our journey in life. Let’s just face the truth! What is the right answer in this and every situation we face with others? Who is out there with us?
Let’s just all speak love by our actions and being a “soft place” for others to fall into and let them know that they are not alone. There are so many others that have not been to war but they feel a warring in their souls. “Am I o.k.?” “Am I alone?” “Do others like me feel the same things I feel?” The answer is “yes”! Your feelings are normal no matter how different your circumstances are. . . We want to feel normal. What is it? What is normal? Is there hope for me? Can I go on? Yes, you can is the right answer. There is not only hope for you but there is more for you to do. You can make it. You will live. You can work on honesty and hope. They go hand and hand. Honesty and hope are the greatest investment you can make no matter who you are. Just let it flow. Listen and encourage. Listen and love. Don’t be shocked. It could always be you in whatever situation. It could always be you, except for God’s grace.
I talked to “John” for six hours. And when it was the end of my shift, I knew that I had listened and spoke all the words God had to given me to speak. The next night I came in and I grabbed “John’s” chart. He had attended every group and the mental health technicians and nurses had charted that he had changed. He was trying and had attended every group and seemed happy. You know what made the change? It was someone listening and not being shocked. It was him seeing himself as someone that could go on. . . but not only go on, but be “normal” again if he just faced the “giants” in his life and worked with the crap and the good cards that had been dealt him and still believed in the goodness and grace of God and others. Just like all of us, he needed an “investment”. He needed to dump out all the garbage of his life and have someone invest hope and softness into a hard, difficult life. Instead of fear on that night, I wish I would have seen “potential” and amazing grace. In spite of my fear, God took my small effort and matched it with His glorious grace and produced “HOPE” in a lost soldier, a man who had lost his way for a short time. “John” is going to make it. I believe that! I have to believe that. I watch his chart and see all the others charting on him. They say he is positive and working on his program and recovery. An angry man is starting to change. I love to think that this change is because I loved and invested in him the unconditional love of God and the love of another who didn’t do everything perfect or right. I was just someone who listened and cared. I invested in the future of someone that I hope I met on the other side. Maybe it is not just me but whatever. . . I am so ecstatic to see the amazing change. These are the investments that could pay off for generations. Safe investments, in this economy . . . other people! Just do it. Invest in people. Help bring others out of harm’s way . . . shepherd those you can. Invest!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
House Beautiful
In Pilgrim’s Progress, that classic book, Christian is journeying through life on his way to the celestial city. Many trials befall him. At one point after a battle that leaves him torn and broken, he picks himself up and begins traveling alone. Then tragedy strikes him and he loses his “scroll”. The word of God is the scroll. He has to back track and find it. He is so worn out and heavy laden. He follows the straight and narrow again and finds himself at a beautiful home. It glows and draws him in but there are fierce animals in front of the home and he is frightened to approach. He comes closer and sees that they are on chains and that if he walks carefully he will not have to worry. They cannot devour him. He makes his way into the home and finds that it is called “House Beautiful”. Charity, Hope and Piety live there and they care for him there and nourish his spirit, mind and body. They also allow him the ability to look out the window at the Delectable Mountains, magnificent mountains to which Christian will be traveling. The future of his journey is there and it is so beautiful and inviting.
Quite a while ago, I was able to experience “House Beautiful”. A wonderful family, allowed me to stay with them and they built me back up. They gave me hope and a future and allowed me to look at the Delectable mountains in the distance of who I am. These are people who are solid. They have experienced everything that life could deal them. Poverty, success, love, rejection and yet their hearts are so balanced and secure in Christ. They dealt grace and comfort to me. They sent me on my way with a vision and a hope for my future.
This family consists of the kind of people who have been through the fire and have come out wiser and shining with gold. Those who live or stay in their presence will feel them pointing in the direction of the Delectable Mountains. They are not “cookie-cutter” Christians. They are full of discernment and wisdom from the school of hard knocks. When you drink from their well, you are refreshed and challenged. I respect them and love them as a special vehicle of God’s love and Grace. Grace is a very rare commodity in this life. Most dedicated Christians have very high standards in this generation. What they forget about is that eventually they will need a soft place to fall, because ALL of us eventually fail and fall way short of the glory of God.
This home revitalized me. When I came here, I had “lost my scroll” and thought that the end was near. What they breathed into me was strength and the belief that the story was not at the end. There was more to come. They sowed into me “HOPE”. What made this family so different was their transparency. They were solid. What they displayed was who they really were. I hope some ministry recognizes the Godliness and the grace of these ministers of grace, but it may just a matter of time before someone with wisdom sees them as the “House Beautiful” and loves and listens to them as the tool of the mighty Holy Spirit.
This amazing family challenged me and breathed life into me. They showed me the delectable mountains. At the time, I did not realize that these mountains would be real and I would live and work in them. Now as I sit in my wonderful home that faces the west and the rocky mountains, I rejoice that this family cared for me. . . loved me and accepted me. I celebrate that they did not offer me “sanctimonious platitudes” or formulas. They offered unconditional love and kindness that rocked my world and breathed life back into me. They also showed me that you don’t have to be “perfect” to have God move on your behalf.
God just keeps on taking care of me and blessing me. He has even given me new friends to love me and help me on this exceptional journey. I have found more people like this special family. They have loved me and cared for me here in Colorado. I would name them but they are too humble. I love the mountains. I am not so sure about the valleys. I think I am on the same path as Christian in Pilgrim’s progress and it feels so right.
Quite a while ago, I was able to experience “House Beautiful”. A wonderful family, allowed me to stay with them and they built me back up. They gave me hope and a future and allowed me to look at the Delectable mountains in the distance of who I am. These are people who are solid. They have experienced everything that life could deal them. Poverty, success, love, rejection and yet their hearts are so balanced and secure in Christ. They dealt grace and comfort to me. They sent me on my way with a vision and a hope for my future.
This family consists of the kind of people who have been through the fire and have come out wiser and shining with gold. Those who live or stay in their presence will feel them pointing in the direction of the Delectable Mountains. They are not “cookie-cutter” Christians. They are full of discernment and wisdom from the school of hard knocks. When you drink from their well, you are refreshed and challenged. I respect them and love them as a special vehicle of God’s love and Grace. Grace is a very rare commodity in this life. Most dedicated Christians have very high standards in this generation. What they forget about is that eventually they will need a soft place to fall, because ALL of us eventually fail and fall way short of the glory of God.
This home revitalized me. When I came here, I had “lost my scroll” and thought that the end was near. What they breathed into me was strength and the belief that the story was not at the end. There was more to come. They sowed into me “HOPE”. What made this family so different was their transparency. They were solid. What they displayed was who they really were. I hope some ministry recognizes the Godliness and the grace of these ministers of grace, but it may just a matter of time before someone with wisdom sees them as the “House Beautiful” and loves and listens to them as the tool of the mighty Holy Spirit.
This amazing family challenged me and breathed life into me. They showed me the delectable mountains. At the time, I did not realize that these mountains would be real and I would live and work in them. Now as I sit in my wonderful home that faces the west and the rocky mountains, I rejoice that this family cared for me. . . loved me and accepted me. I celebrate that they did not offer me “sanctimonious platitudes” or formulas. They offered unconditional love and kindness that rocked my world and breathed life back into me. They also showed me that you don’t have to be “perfect” to have God move on your behalf.
God just keeps on taking care of me and blessing me. He has even given me new friends to love me and help me on this exceptional journey. I have found more people like this special family. They have loved me and cared for me here in Colorado. I would name them but they are too humble. I love the mountains. I am not so sure about the valleys. I think I am on the same path as Christian in Pilgrim’s progress and it feels so right.
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Fine Print
Read the fine print
There are so many papers and forms to sign these days that we do not always read the fine print. If you do read it it is so complicated that you just sign anyway so that you don’t look stupid. I know this sounds crazy but the fine print is powerful and can feel like it dictates the rest of your life. Be very wary and careful when looking over the paperwork. The fine print may kill you. The side effects of the fine print are the representation of the worst thing that can ever happen to you. You know what, the worst thing could happen to you and God will and can still intervene and redeem and provide. Miracles can happen. . . despite the fine print. Read it and rejoice that you are not bound by the “fine print” of life’s struggles.
There are so many papers and forms to sign these days that we do not always read the fine print. If you do read it it is so complicated that you just sign anyway so that you don’t look stupid. I know this sounds crazy but the fine print is powerful and can feel like it dictates the rest of your life. Be very wary and careful when looking over the paperwork. The fine print may kill you. The side effects of the fine print are the representation of the worst thing that can ever happen to you. You know what, the worst thing could happen to you and God will and can still intervene and redeem and provide. Miracles can happen. . . despite the fine print. Read it and rejoice that you are not bound by the “fine print” of life’s struggles.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Memories. . .The Way We Were
Last night I watched old videos of my life that my children recorded and put out on My Space, Face Book and YouTube. Matthew had made a “Cribs” video of our house that we lived and loved in but now has been sold at sheriff’s auction. As I watched my son show our home and its contents, I was filled with mixed emotions. I live so differently now. I am on my own and renting a room in a home in Colorado. I am starting my life over from scratch. I have not been here on this territory since I was 19 years old. I am not as strong as I was when I was 19 but I am as determined to make my life count for something. I now have the burden of also taking care of my family. Fear, doubt and tiredness overcome me sometimes but my children and the example I must set for them keeps me waking up every morning and choosing to make good decisions. I am tempted to throw the covers over my head and stay in bed every day but life must go on.
Memories are a shadow of the things that used to be. Memories can be helpful, motivating, painful, exhilarating, or a myriad of other emotions. We can look back with joy, sadness, regret, wisdom or nostalgia. Memories are powerful and cannot be suppressed. Hindsight is truly 20/20. “Memories in the corners off my” shape our present and our future existence. They are powerful and cannot be denied or suppressed or they will creep up on us at the most inopportune time. We are the essence of the past, the present and a hint of the future.
“The chance to do it all again, would we? Could we? Memories can be beautiful and yet what is too painful to remember we simply chose to forget.” I find myself at 48 second guessing every choice and every action. This may be a simple act of growing older and trying to make sense of all of the actions of our youth. Or maybe it is a time of reflection to learn from the past and not repeat it in the short future that we may have. Lost loves, lost opportunities, all loom in our minds and yet there in the place of our worst memories is a strong will to not repeat the same mistakes and to recreate ourselves as a soft place to fall for the youth that come behind us. The good, the bad and the ugly make us more than ready to share with others the wisdom that we have gained from the experiences of our youth and the power of our youth. If only the young could see that some of the “meddling” that we do is out of sheer concern that no one follows down the train tracks that lead to some of our worst moments and hours.
“So it is the laughter that we remember” . . . how many times have we heard our elders tell outrages stories of misfortune with humor and style. I remember the days when I would sit for hours and listen to my Nanny tell stories of the depression. How she burned up her furniture for warmth in the fireplace. Beautiful furniture burnt up, that was worth more as firewood than as some precious commodity that others would buy and treasure. At the time I listened closely trying to understand but as a youth, I did not have the capacity to see through her eyes. Now as an older woman, I can see it so much clearer. I treasure every story she told me. I can now understand her truth and humor.
Time can rewrite our past and our future if we embrace the past, love and hate it. Learn from the past, enjoy it, love it but use it as a tool to shape our future. If we are healthy and healed our future looks bright and colorful. In the corners of our mind we know that we are richer, deeper and wiser than we have ever been.
Memories are a shadow of the things that used to be. Memories can be helpful, motivating, painful, exhilarating, or a myriad of other emotions. We can look back with joy, sadness, regret, wisdom or nostalgia. Memories are powerful and cannot be suppressed. Hindsight is truly 20/20. “Memories in the corners off my” shape our present and our future existence. They are powerful and cannot be denied or suppressed or they will creep up on us at the most inopportune time. We are the essence of the past, the present and a hint of the future.
“The chance to do it all again, would we? Could we? Memories can be beautiful and yet what is too painful to remember we simply chose to forget.” I find myself at 48 second guessing every choice and every action. This may be a simple act of growing older and trying to make sense of all of the actions of our youth. Or maybe it is a time of reflection to learn from the past and not repeat it in the short future that we may have. Lost loves, lost opportunities, all loom in our minds and yet there in the place of our worst memories is a strong will to not repeat the same mistakes and to recreate ourselves as a soft place to fall for the youth that come behind us. The good, the bad and the ugly make us more than ready to share with others the wisdom that we have gained from the experiences of our youth and the power of our youth. If only the young could see that some of the “meddling” that we do is out of sheer concern that no one follows down the train tracks that lead to some of our worst moments and hours.
“So it is the laughter that we remember” . . . how many times have we heard our elders tell outrages stories of misfortune with humor and style. I remember the days when I would sit for hours and listen to my Nanny tell stories of the depression. How she burned up her furniture for warmth in the fireplace. Beautiful furniture burnt up, that was worth more as firewood than as some precious commodity that others would buy and treasure. At the time I listened closely trying to understand but as a youth, I did not have the capacity to see through her eyes. Now as an older woman, I can see it so much clearer. I treasure every story she told me. I can now understand her truth and humor.
Time can rewrite our past and our future if we embrace the past, love and hate it. Learn from the past, enjoy it, love it but use it as a tool to shape our future. If we are healthy and healed our future looks bright and colorful. In the corners of our mind we know that we are richer, deeper and wiser than we have ever been.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Failure to Launch
Last night I failed. A psychotic patient was asking for coffee and I made a deal with her. . . I would make coffee and she could have some if she promised to go to bed afterward. I of course made her decaf and served it up nice and hot. She had had all of her sleep medications and was not sleeping. It was 3 a.m. and I was desperate for a quick fix. I couldn’t take much more of her behavior. I really love these patients and see how except for God’s grace there go I. . . so I made a special pot of coffee. Fixed it just the way I knew she liked it and brought it to her, all with the expectation that she would drink it and go to bed. She had it in her hands for 20 seconds and dropped the cup and all and ruined her pajamas and robe with wet, hot coffee. I then had to change her, wash her clothes and explain to her why she could not have another cup of decaffeinated coffee. This is a patient that used to be violent and abusive to the staff but for some reason, maybe God or my sling that I wear for my broken shoulder never hurt me. I really expected her to drink the coffee and go back to bed. She is such a broken person and so mentally ill. She is expected to be turned over to the state hospital within days. What heartbreak to someone like me. I so long to make a great difference in everyone’s life that touches my life.
The first couple of days with Jane I read to her from her Bible. I sang to her all the old hymns which she knew and sang along with. It still amazes me the amount of patients that come into my hospital with Bibles and a strong Christian faith. What is going on here? At least 65% of my patients are Christians???? What is happening . . . . I am baffled! I spent hours reading to her from Job or Psalms. She had been abused as a child and then when she was happily married, she lost her youngest child in a drowning accident in her own backyard pool. Her husband has been supportive but wants her committed to the state mental facility. He is overwhelmed and cannot go any further with this wife that is so damaged.
I was then reprimanded by the nurse supervisor for giving in to a patient that had no right to have coffee made for her in the middle of the night. I learned that experience is a great teacher as I was washing and drying her clothes at 3 in the morning along with doing my regular job. What have I learned. . . What haven’t I learned? I love people and I root for them. I want them to break out and be healed. How does the healing that is so prolific in the Bible work? I spent several hours reading the New Testament to Jane and the best part that she really loved, was the parts in red. You know them. The red parts where Jesus is quoted, “He healed all of their diseases.” I would get goose bumps reading this stuff to her. But there I sat, with a broken shoulder, a broken marriage, a broken reason for being here in Colorado Springs (to go to Andrew Wommacks school), and what can I offer her? They will come and get her and take her to the state hospital. They have taken patients that I have loved and cared for before . . . to this awful place of doom. Why can’t I help her and why can’t my own shoulder be healed and why can’t I find someone who will love me and want to spend their life with me, despite all of my shortcomings and faults. Who knows?
I am just thinking. . .I came out here with a car and the things I could fit in my car. . .black garbage bags full of clothes, towels and a blow up mattress. I came here with big faith. Faith that could move a mountain. What did I find? A land lord that took me for 900.00 and and then a second room to rent in a house where I fell down the stairs to the basement on the second night I was here. I experienced so much pain in this shoulder break that it was unequaled to anything except childbirth. The pain I experienced on a daily basis, caused me to toss my cookies and lose 20 pounds in just the first month. I work as many hours as possible and my life is filled with patients, work and sleep. And yet there is something in me that expects a great miracle. Am I a failure to launch or is it just not time for God to sweep in and lovingly restore me to my purpose in life? My heart cannot be more broken . . . for myself, for those that I treat and for the future. I was told by well meaning Christians that “I did not have enough faith”, or “maybe it was not God’s timing for me.” WHATEVER!!!! Maybe I am just a rocket with a “failure to launch”. Who knows?
The first couple of days with Jane I read to her from her Bible. I sang to her all the old hymns which she knew and sang along with. It still amazes me the amount of patients that come into my hospital with Bibles and a strong Christian faith. What is going on here? At least 65% of my patients are Christians???? What is happening . . . . I am baffled! I spent hours reading to her from Job or Psalms. She had been abused as a child and then when she was happily married, she lost her youngest child in a drowning accident in her own backyard pool. Her husband has been supportive but wants her committed to the state mental facility. He is overwhelmed and cannot go any further with this wife that is so damaged.
I was then reprimanded by the nurse supervisor for giving in to a patient that had no right to have coffee made for her in the middle of the night. I learned that experience is a great teacher as I was washing and drying her clothes at 3 in the morning along with doing my regular job. What have I learned. . . What haven’t I learned? I love people and I root for them. I want them to break out and be healed. How does the healing that is so prolific in the Bible work? I spent several hours reading the New Testament to Jane and the best part that she really loved, was the parts in red. You know them. The red parts where Jesus is quoted, “He healed all of their diseases.” I would get goose bumps reading this stuff to her. But there I sat, with a broken shoulder, a broken marriage, a broken reason for being here in Colorado Springs (to go to Andrew Wommacks school), and what can I offer her? They will come and get her and take her to the state hospital. They have taken patients that I have loved and cared for before . . . to this awful place of doom. Why can’t I help her and why can’t my own shoulder be healed and why can’t I find someone who will love me and want to spend their life with me, despite all of my shortcomings and faults. Who knows?
I am just thinking. . .I came out here with a car and the things I could fit in my car. . .black garbage bags full of clothes, towels and a blow up mattress. I came here with big faith. Faith that could move a mountain. What did I find? A land lord that took me for 900.00 and and then a second room to rent in a house where I fell down the stairs to the basement on the second night I was here. I experienced so much pain in this shoulder break that it was unequaled to anything except childbirth. The pain I experienced on a daily basis, caused me to toss my cookies and lose 20 pounds in just the first month. I work as many hours as possible and my life is filled with patients, work and sleep. And yet there is something in me that expects a great miracle. Am I a failure to launch or is it just not time for God to sweep in and lovingly restore me to my purpose in life? My heart cannot be more broken . . . for myself, for those that I treat and for the future. I was told by well meaning Christians that “I did not have enough faith”, or “maybe it was not God’s timing for me.” WHATEVER!!!! Maybe I am just a rocket with a “failure to launch”. Who knows?
Friday, September 25, 2009
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
Loneliness is something that everyone feels sooner or later in life. You can be lonely even in the midst of a crowd of people. . . even a crowd of Christians. The community that the Bible, in the book of Acts, presents as “normal” is the example of the early church. They lived together or so near each other that they could meet together daily and share meals and fellowship with each other. They knew each other so well that they were aware of the needs of the poor, widowed, orphans or those who were in any kind of distress or need. There were even instructions to have the older men and women to care for the younger men and women, disciple them and watch out for the welfare of each other. The New Testament church was an example to the world as a community of love that reflected the love of God.
True Christian community was not just a building or a place to go once a day or week. It was not about attendance or service to an organization. The early Christian interacted with each other so regularly that they even had “issues”. They argued and sinned. Because nothing is perfect when people live and work together, problems came up and had to be addressed. The early Christians failed at community and sometimes did things or said things “rubbed each other the wrong way”. There were also times where they were disciplined or had to be reminded of the truth that they had heard. They had to be very close to each other to be aware of “heart” problems and issues of faith.
Our modern church deems that you are part of community if you serve in the nursery, choir, parking committee, etc . . . or if you have perfect attendance at most of the functions of that fellowship. Some Christians actually base their level of commitment to the church as allowing them to be worthy of being a part of the fellowship. This is how I used to think. But what if your service and attendance is not enough and still leaves a gaping hole of emptiness in your spirit and soul? We humans are built for community; for fellowship with God and men. We are made to not only have a deep relationship with God but also with others. We Christians have even moved to a level where admitting to having a need for a relationship with others is paramount to not “trusting in God” to meet it. We are supposed to be the hands and feet of God here on this earth. It doesn’t matter how close you walk with God, you require the arms of others to hold you when you are suffering, laugh with you when you are rejoicing, protect you from harm or the perils of this world, etc. There are Christians that depending on the circumstances in their life, they need the protection and wisdom of others in order to stay on the straight and narrow. They need accountability and also wisdom to navigate out of the arms reach of those who might exploit their wounded hearts and spirits.
What an example we must be to the non believers. They produce popular television shows on living in community, like “Friends” or “Cheers”. We as humans long to live in “Mayberry” and be neighbors and friends to each other. No matter how dysfunctional “Cheers” seems, it is still a community built and based in a bar, where each character relates to the others. It is like a “pseudo” family built on the things happening around them in a world of pleasure and pain. The theme song to Cheers is really the cry of each individual, if you are honest with yourself. We all long to be in a place “where everybody knows our name”. We need to be known, loved and understood by others. Even our superheroes, Batman, Superman, The Lone Ranger, suffer with loneliness, because they can never really expose who they truly are.
The closest I have ever come to living in a community environment was when I was a flight attendant. The flight crew was a team that worked together, ate together, went touring or partying, suffered injustice at the hands of the airline, weather or broken down equipment. We even slept together when there were not enough hotel rooms and more. We were all away from our families and friends for sometimes months at a time, during holidays and birthdays. We were all that each other had and we knew it. Personal differences were generally put aside when we were required to stick together in the foreign lands we traveled to. We watched out for each other and rescued each other from perils. Generally, as flight crew, we would get to know each other deeply in the first twenty minutes of the flight, before we reached 10,000 feet. We called it “jump seat therapy”. We were open and talked about everything. I loved being part of that community.
In contrast, recently I have experienced a Christian community where in the midst of it; I have never felt lonelier. There are smiles and lots of “How are you?”, but no real interaction or commitment to one another. Building relationships takes energy and time. Something that we Americans don’t have very much of. . . There is a day coming where Christians will have to build community and become just like the early Christians who sometimes met in the Catacombs just to fellowship without persecution. I long to help build this type of interactive society. I want to be part of this type of community . . . a place where “Everybody knows” each other’s name.
Lyrics to "Cheers" theme song
Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.
You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.
True Christian community was not just a building or a place to go once a day or week. It was not about attendance or service to an organization. The early Christian interacted with each other so regularly that they even had “issues”. They argued and sinned. Because nothing is perfect when people live and work together, problems came up and had to be addressed. The early Christians failed at community and sometimes did things or said things “rubbed each other the wrong way”. There were also times where they were disciplined or had to be reminded of the truth that they had heard. They had to be very close to each other to be aware of “heart” problems and issues of faith.
Our modern church deems that you are part of community if you serve in the nursery, choir, parking committee, etc . . . or if you have perfect attendance at most of the functions of that fellowship. Some Christians actually base their level of commitment to the church as allowing them to be worthy of being a part of the fellowship. This is how I used to think. But what if your service and attendance is not enough and still leaves a gaping hole of emptiness in your spirit and soul? We humans are built for community; for fellowship with God and men. We are made to not only have a deep relationship with God but also with others. We Christians have even moved to a level where admitting to having a need for a relationship with others is paramount to not “trusting in God” to meet it. We are supposed to be the hands and feet of God here on this earth. It doesn’t matter how close you walk with God, you require the arms of others to hold you when you are suffering, laugh with you when you are rejoicing, protect you from harm or the perils of this world, etc. There are Christians that depending on the circumstances in their life, they need the protection and wisdom of others in order to stay on the straight and narrow. They need accountability and also wisdom to navigate out of the arms reach of those who might exploit their wounded hearts and spirits.
What an example we must be to the non believers. They produce popular television shows on living in community, like “Friends” or “Cheers”. We as humans long to live in “Mayberry” and be neighbors and friends to each other. No matter how dysfunctional “Cheers” seems, it is still a community built and based in a bar, where each character relates to the others. It is like a “pseudo” family built on the things happening around them in a world of pleasure and pain. The theme song to Cheers is really the cry of each individual, if you are honest with yourself. We all long to be in a place “where everybody knows our name”. We need to be known, loved and understood by others. Even our superheroes, Batman, Superman, The Lone Ranger, suffer with loneliness, because they can never really expose who they truly are.
The closest I have ever come to living in a community environment was when I was a flight attendant. The flight crew was a team that worked together, ate together, went touring or partying, suffered injustice at the hands of the airline, weather or broken down equipment. We even slept together when there were not enough hotel rooms and more. We were all away from our families and friends for sometimes months at a time, during holidays and birthdays. We were all that each other had and we knew it. Personal differences were generally put aside when we were required to stick together in the foreign lands we traveled to. We watched out for each other and rescued each other from perils. Generally, as flight crew, we would get to know each other deeply in the first twenty minutes of the flight, before we reached 10,000 feet. We called it “jump seat therapy”. We were open and talked about everything. I loved being part of that community.
In contrast, recently I have experienced a Christian community where in the midst of it; I have never felt lonelier. There are smiles and lots of “How are you?”, but no real interaction or commitment to one another. Building relationships takes energy and time. Something that we Americans don’t have very much of. . . There is a day coming where Christians will have to build community and become just like the early Christians who sometimes met in the Catacombs just to fellowship without persecution. I long to help build this type of interactive society. I want to be part of this type of community . . . a place where “Everybody knows” each other’s name.
Lyrics to "Cheers" theme song
Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.
You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Don't Be That Older Brother
My two kids are almost nine years apart. That being said they were both raised like only children. Their childhood stories are diametrically opposed from each other. They have almost nothing in common with each other. When Matt was younger, he lived in a home where anything he needed he received and more. We traveled and vacationed regularly. He went to private Christian school from start to finish. He had a car when he turned sixteen. During college, he had no worries and he brought all of his friends home ten at a time regularly.
When Miriam started school, we did everything. She went to Christian school, public school, homeschooled and finally skipped a few grades and went right to community college. During her last few years at home, our marriage fell apart, our business failed, we lost our cars and home and her whole world was upside down day after day. They were both raised by the same parents but because of their different environments, they look at things from a different perspective. They love each other dearly, yet many times they have to have grace for each other and recognize that they are still connect by the flesh and blood of the Sheehan family.
That is very similar to us as Christians. When we accept Christ as our Savior we become blood relatives through His death on the cross. But we are all raised up in him in different environments, families, churches, economic conditions and basic personalities. It is sometimes hard to understand each other and we measure each other by our “ruler” of what we think a Christian is supposed to be. This is normal and natural and sometimes we expect more from Christians than they can provide.
Forgiveness is one of these Christian commodities that seems to have died out in our religious circles. Every Christian at some time is going to make a mistake. Screw up! Say or think the wrong thing. Every Christian will at some time offend another brother or sister in Christ. The answer is simple but we make it so difficult. The one who has offended acknowledges their sibling in Christ’s pain or hurt and they repent before God. Then they return to the person they offended and confess their sin. The next step is a tricky one. The Bible clearly states, “Confess your faults one to another, PRAY for each other that you may be healed.” Prayer sets the stage for forgiveness, restitution and the resurrection of relationship.
There are always at least two sides to every story and two completely different perceptions of what happened and how. The enemy loves distortion, disharmony and divisiveness. In every interaction, each side must give and take. Once an apology is offered to the offended party, it is now up to that individual to receive it. If you harbor unforgiveness you are allowing hardness of heart to take over in not only that relationship but also in future relationships. Unforgiveness and bitterness have long tenticles. God says that “lovingkindness leads us to repentance.” If guilt, condemnation and preaching would change people, we wouldn’t need Jesus. Grace is the only way to total freedom for you and your brothers and sisters in Christ. Walk a mile in their shoes. Pray for insight into why they hurt you or offended you. Ask God to soften your heart for others. Remember the older brother of the prodigal son who wanted his wayward, mistake-making, ignorant younger brother to pay and suffer for his poor choices. His heart was hardened and he missed out on the beautiful celebration of the restoration of fellowship with one who was once lost.
I have lived long enough to know that everyone will someday make a mistake and need the grace of another. It is just a matter of time. I pray that God keeps my heart soft toward those who hurt me and that God blesses them in spite of their spite. Some Christians can only forgive if they can “get their pound of flesh” first. They rub the person’s nose in their sins before they can “graciously” forgive. Some Christians just cut off fellowship with the other person. This is sad because each relationship is ordained by God to work something in your life. If you don’t allow this work to be accomplished, you will have to go through it again, with another relationship, another lost friendship. Unforgiveness will affect every area of your life and will even threaten your health. “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted forgiving each other.” Don’t be that older brother of the prodigal and miss out on the celebration of forgiveness and restoration.
"Without forgiveness, there's no future." Desmond Tutu
When Miriam started school, we did everything. She went to Christian school, public school, homeschooled and finally skipped a few grades and went right to community college. During her last few years at home, our marriage fell apart, our business failed, we lost our cars and home and her whole world was upside down day after day. They were both raised by the same parents but because of their different environments, they look at things from a different perspective. They love each other dearly, yet many times they have to have grace for each other and recognize that they are still connect by the flesh and blood of the Sheehan family.
That is very similar to us as Christians. When we accept Christ as our Savior we become blood relatives through His death on the cross. But we are all raised up in him in different environments, families, churches, economic conditions and basic personalities. It is sometimes hard to understand each other and we measure each other by our “ruler” of what we think a Christian is supposed to be. This is normal and natural and sometimes we expect more from Christians than they can provide.
Forgiveness is one of these Christian commodities that seems to have died out in our religious circles. Every Christian at some time is going to make a mistake. Screw up! Say or think the wrong thing. Every Christian will at some time offend another brother or sister in Christ. The answer is simple but we make it so difficult. The one who has offended acknowledges their sibling in Christ’s pain or hurt and they repent before God. Then they return to the person they offended and confess their sin. The next step is a tricky one. The Bible clearly states, “Confess your faults one to another, PRAY for each other that you may be healed.” Prayer sets the stage for forgiveness, restitution and the resurrection of relationship.
There are always at least two sides to every story and two completely different perceptions of what happened and how. The enemy loves distortion, disharmony and divisiveness. In every interaction, each side must give and take. Once an apology is offered to the offended party, it is now up to that individual to receive it. If you harbor unforgiveness you are allowing hardness of heart to take over in not only that relationship but also in future relationships. Unforgiveness and bitterness have long tenticles. God says that “lovingkindness leads us to repentance.” If guilt, condemnation and preaching would change people, we wouldn’t need Jesus. Grace is the only way to total freedom for you and your brothers and sisters in Christ. Walk a mile in their shoes. Pray for insight into why they hurt you or offended you. Ask God to soften your heart for others. Remember the older brother of the prodigal son who wanted his wayward, mistake-making, ignorant younger brother to pay and suffer for his poor choices. His heart was hardened and he missed out on the beautiful celebration of the restoration of fellowship with one who was once lost.
I have lived long enough to know that everyone will someday make a mistake and need the grace of another. It is just a matter of time. I pray that God keeps my heart soft toward those who hurt me and that God blesses them in spite of their spite. Some Christians can only forgive if they can “get their pound of flesh” first. They rub the person’s nose in their sins before they can “graciously” forgive. Some Christians just cut off fellowship with the other person. This is sad because each relationship is ordained by God to work something in your life. If you don’t allow this work to be accomplished, you will have to go through it again, with another relationship, another lost friendship. Unforgiveness will affect every area of your life and will even threaten your health. “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted forgiving each other.” Don’t be that older brother of the prodigal and miss out on the celebration of forgiveness and restoration.
"Without forgiveness, there's no future." Desmond Tutu
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Honey-Do-List
Anyone who has ever been married knows that there are things that you need or want from your spouse. Sometimes you ask nicely and other times you may make a Honey-Do-List. One thing you should never do is “NAG”! Nagging leads to irritation, exasperation, and makes a big debit in your partner’s “love bank”.
Being recently single, I started thinking much more about the Lord as my husband. He is everything to me, my healer, provider, lover, and best friend. I am totally dependent on him and I know he will never fail me. Since my move out to Colorado Springs to attend Charis Bible College, I have become acutely aware of what a good God and wonderful husband he is. Every day I start my day asking for his leading and guidance and then sometimes I depend on his direction minute by minute.
The great thing about him being my husband is that he can read my mind. What spouse doesn’t wish for this? He also knows my heart’s desire and all my needs before I even ask him. I am sorry to say that I have not depended on him so intensely in a very long time. This brings up my next point. A few days ago when I was thanking him for another “divine appointment and provision”, I felt impressed to really start treating him like a husband. I had been vacillating between “peace like a river” and “tsunami waves of panic”. I didn’t know how to really walk consistently in the river. I would be like, “God help me, help me!!” or “I need this, that and the other thing!” or “What are you doing?” and “Help me trust you, don’t fail me now” . . . and on and on. What spouse in their right mind would want to be treated like this? When you fall in love and covenant with your lover, you bestow trust in them. If you have a need you ask them with respect and kindness not desperation and doubt. You also learn what they need and you try to meet their needs before they even ask. I loved being married and whenever I pleased my husband, I got such a thrill. It made me want to jump higher and inspired me to delight myself in him even more.
Our marriage to God, our covenant of salvation, allows us to have this same relationship with him. David said, “I delight to do thy will, Oh My God. Yeah, Thy laws are within my heart.” That’s me! I love to please God and listen closely to anticipate his every desire for my life. The amazing news is that HE IS THE SAME WAY. He does stuff for us just because he loves us and wants to have the thrill of watching and feeling our genuine delight. He loves doing the little things for us as much as the big things. He can heal a head cold and he can heal cancer. It is all the same to him. He can provide groceries or a ranch with cattle on a thousand hills. It is all the same.
What he doesn’t need is a Honey-Do-List. It is not necessary. He also doesn’t need to be nagged at, distrusted or questioned. Oh, he will put up with it, because he is longsuffering, but he is so much better than we treat him. A healthy marriage could never withstand the type of behavior we display toward our heavenly spouse. He plainly states, “With prayer and supplication make your request known” . . . no mention of nagging there! Then he states, “Cast ALL your CARES upon him, FOR HE CARES FOR YOU!” Got to love that statement! Wow! Bring it on! He is big enough to take care of it.
I have so many stories of his love for me. He has done so many little loving, intimate things for me in the past few weeks and I really enjoy delighting in him. It makes me want to go deeper and farther into his presence. I am now committed to loving him like the breathtaking, astonishing, brilliant husband that he is. No more nagging or Honey-Do-List for me!
“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” Zig Ziglar
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Farewell To Arms-A Message To The Peer Group
“Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses”. . .
In each of your lives there was a witness, a little girl who watched the makeshift family that you built for traveling through those pivotal college years. She was a silent observer who saw youth, beauty, strength and a bond that was forged through laughter and the insecurities of young adulthood. She watched you play together, travel together, pray for hours in a cold car in the garage, laugh at each other and with each other. She also saw you argue, disagree, hurt each other and yet she wanted what each of you had . . . each other, “The Peer Group”. This little girl grew to be a strong woman of God and this past month followed each and every one of you into the great halls of Oral Roberts University. You see you lit a fire in her that she could not shake. A fire and a passion for the love of God and the love and communion of a close knit sister and brotherhood that comes from growing up alongside each other. As she walks through the campus there are pictures of most of you hanging on the walls, flashing on the video screens, on the covers of the marketing material and she is hoping for a love like yours.
I am writing to each of you in order to stir up inside you the fresh feelings of your kinship. The lives that you shared together at ORU forged your spirits together and were divine appointments for each and every one of you. Each of you spent at least one night in my home as a guest and some of you allowed me the privilege to see through windows into your spirit, soul and mind. Still others, permitted me to treat you as one of my own bear cubs and I “mother-beared” you for a few fleeting moments. So now, I feel it is my duty to charge you not to “despise your own youth”.
The makeshift family that you built in the shadow of the teaching of one of the greatest ministers of the gospel, Oral Roberts, was of God. It was not an accident that each and every one of you at one time fellowshipped together. For some, it was the first time you had ever had a brother or a sister. For others, the Peer Group filled a hole that was wide open with the homesickness for your own flesh and blood family. But to each of you, I declare, that your PEER GROUP was a uniquely, divine camaraderie. It will never be replicated and the memories of it, good or bad will never completely fade away.
Each and every one of you has an enormous call on your lives and you have been endued from on high with bountiful giftings and a unique vision. You were a group of mighty men and women. You were the example of David and Jonathan, and David’s mighty men. There were Pricilla, Aquilla, Deborah, Peter, Paul and Mary among you. The strength in the spirit of unity that you experienced for moments and days were real. There were skirmishes and battles for when mighty youths dwell together, iron sharpens iron. You were from different families, churches, schools of thought and yet you all shared in the vision of the teachings of ORU and the dreams of destiny for your life. There is none other like you.
Some of you have met with unparalleled success and some with failure. Some of you are in love and some of you are lonely. There are some that the fire of God within your spirit is exploding all around you and there are some that may feel as if your spirit has just exploded. Are the ties that once bound you all together strong enough to pull you back into genuine love and care for each other once again? Do not burn the bridges of the past to cover the pain. Remember the gift each of you were to the other. None of you were perfect and your holy alliance was a huge threat to the enemy. He began to sow strife, hurt, pain and division because his mission was to destroy this group of mighty men and women. He knows the danger of unconditional love, understanding, kindness, and forbearance with each other’s burdens would eventually lead to his demise in untold numbers of souls.
Once there were five men who stood tall on the campus of a missionary college. All leaders and the friends and women that surrounded them were warmed by their fellowship. These men left their beloved campus on graduation day. They married and moved on, each to their own lives and families. Those early years, they tried to stay in touch. They vacationed one week end a year together. But then the spirit of offense rose up, among the men and among their wives. The visits and calls dwindled to Christmas cards, for no one was brave enough to stand and fight for the friendship of what they thought was just a routine, fleeting moment of youth. Now these men are in their fifties. They have just recently reconnected in a cautious calculated manner. All have suffered tremendous losses in their lives. All have seen the highs of success and the lows of failure. All five men became absolute strangers to each other and the pattern of devaluing a divine friendship has followed these men throughout their lives. They are older, wiser but disconnected still to the deep commitment of a band of brothers. They are a mere shadow of the strength of their former selves.
Do not be condemned. But love one another. Walk a mile in each other’s shoes. Confess your faults one to another. Pray for each other that you may be healed. Soften your hearts. Repent from the judgments and the hurts that you have each endured. Let the cautionary tale that I have told you cause you to run into the arms of the Savior on behalf of each other. Say farewell to the arms that you may have picked up to shoot at your once beloved comrade. Your choices in this matter will dictate and affect every future relationship. Do not be deceived; whatever you sow you will reap, eventually. (I John 3:18) Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongues but with actions and in truth. You were brought together to be sisters and brothers in Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. Do not let the enemy now rob you of the love and fellowship you will so desperately yearn for as you walk through this life.
In each of your lives there was a witness, a little girl who watched the makeshift family that you built for traveling through those pivotal college years. She was a silent observer who saw youth, beauty, strength and a bond that was forged through laughter and the insecurities of young adulthood. She watched you play together, travel together, pray for hours in a cold car in the garage, laugh at each other and with each other. She also saw you argue, disagree, hurt each other and yet she wanted what each of you had . . . each other, “The Peer Group”. This little girl grew to be a strong woman of God and this past month followed each and every one of you into the great halls of Oral Roberts University. You see you lit a fire in her that she could not shake. A fire and a passion for the love of God and the love and communion of a close knit sister and brotherhood that comes from growing up alongside each other. As she walks through the campus there are pictures of most of you hanging on the walls, flashing on the video screens, on the covers of the marketing material and she is hoping for a love like yours.
I am writing to each of you in order to stir up inside you the fresh feelings of your kinship. The lives that you shared together at ORU forged your spirits together and were divine appointments for each and every one of you. Each of you spent at least one night in my home as a guest and some of you allowed me the privilege to see through windows into your spirit, soul and mind. Still others, permitted me to treat you as one of my own bear cubs and I “mother-beared” you for a few fleeting moments. So now, I feel it is my duty to charge you not to “despise your own youth”.
The makeshift family that you built in the shadow of the teaching of one of the greatest ministers of the gospel, Oral Roberts, was of God. It was not an accident that each and every one of you at one time fellowshipped together. For some, it was the first time you had ever had a brother or a sister. For others, the Peer Group filled a hole that was wide open with the homesickness for your own flesh and blood family. But to each of you, I declare, that your PEER GROUP was a uniquely, divine camaraderie. It will never be replicated and the memories of it, good or bad will never completely fade away.
Each and every one of you has an enormous call on your lives and you have been endued from on high with bountiful giftings and a unique vision. You were a group of mighty men and women. You were the example of David and Jonathan, and David’s mighty men. There were Pricilla, Aquilla, Deborah, Peter, Paul and Mary among you. The strength in the spirit of unity that you experienced for moments and days were real. There were skirmishes and battles for when mighty youths dwell together, iron sharpens iron. You were from different families, churches, schools of thought and yet you all shared in the vision of the teachings of ORU and the dreams of destiny for your life. There is none other like you.
Some of you have met with unparalleled success and some with failure. Some of you are in love and some of you are lonely. There are some that the fire of God within your spirit is exploding all around you and there are some that may feel as if your spirit has just exploded. Are the ties that once bound you all together strong enough to pull you back into genuine love and care for each other once again? Do not burn the bridges of the past to cover the pain. Remember the gift each of you were to the other. None of you were perfect and your holy alliance was a huge threat to the enemy. He began to sow strife, hurt, pain and division because his mission was to destroy this group of mighty men and women. He knows the danger of unconditional love, understanding, kindness, and forbearance with each other’s burdens would eventually lead to his demise in untold numbers of souls.
Once there were five men who stood tall on the campus of a missionary college. All leaders and the friends and women that surrounded them were warmed by their fellowship. These men left their beloved campus on graduation day. They married and moved on, each to their own lives and families. Those early years, they tried to stay in touch. They vacationed one week end a year together. But then the spirit of offense rose up, among the men and among their wives. The visits and calls dwindled to Christmas cards, for no one was brave enough to stand and fight for the friendship of what they thought was just a routine, fleeting moment of youth. Now these men are in their fifties. They have just recently reconnected in a cautious calculated manner. All have suffered tremendous losses in their lives. All have seen the highs of success and the lows of failure. All five men became absolute strangers to each other and the pattern of devaluing a divine friendship has followed these men throughout their lives. They are older, wiser but disconnected still to the deep commitment of a band of brothers. They are a mere shadow of the strength of their former selves.
Do not be condemned. But love one another. Walk a mile in each other’s shoes. Confess your faults one to another. Pray for each other that you may be healed. Soften your hearts. Repent from the judgments and the hurts that you have each endured. Let the cautionary tale that I have told you cause you to run into the arms of the Savior on behalf of each other. Say farewell to the arms that you may have picked up to shoot at your once beloved comrade. Your choices in this matter will dictate and affect every future relationship. Do not be deceived; whatever you sow you will reap, eventually. (I John 3:18) Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongues but with actions and in truth. You were brought together to be sisters and brothers in Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. Do not let the enemy now rob you of the love and fellowship you will so desperately yearn for as you walk through this life.
Friday, August 14, 2009
What Do You Do When You End Up Working On The Pig Farm?
Years ago, I ran a ministry that held Bible studies in a juvenile maximum security prison. I remember being able to relate to most of the young girl’s stories and as I listened I really did think that “except for God’s grace, there go I.” At the same time, some of them where so broken, abused, and battered, that I honestly could not see how they would ever be able to overcome the life that fate had handed them. The majority of them had been in the foster care system or came from severely damaged, dysfunctional homes. Many of them did not have the fundamental life skills needed to even finish their schooling or hold down a job. They did not even know the definition of a normal life. One girl told me that she was fine and didn’t know how she ended up in this prison. The only thing that she could think of was that she “had a little problem with stabbing people.” This may at first sound funny, but imagine her life . . . stabbing others with sharp objects seemed like a “small” problem to her?
Then there were other girls, very few, that somehow got involved with the wrong people, at the wrong time and wrong place, and there they were. Some would be incarcerated for the rest of their lives, transferred to an adult prison at the end of their 18th year of existence on this earth. Many times I left that prison feeling like I had poured a glass of water into an ocean. What difference did I really make in these girl’s lives? I tried to assure the girls that God could and would redeem their lives and would use them to help others. I used to teach them the story of the prodigal son to instill hope in them.
The prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) is a familiar story to almost anyone who has read the Bible. It’s a story about the youngest son of a wealthy land owner who decides he wants all of his inheritance before the death of his father. His father gives him everything that is due him, knowing full well that this child is going in the wrong direction and that he is headed for disaster. The father never pulls back with his gifting to his son, nor does he put any restrictions on his son. As time passes, the son spends all that he has in partying and reckless living. He ends up not only working as a hired hand on a pig farm but trying to get the very food he is feeding the hogs, to feed himself. This is his lowest point. This is where he bottoms out. He knows his own father is a good man and that he treats his workers with care and respect. He decides to go home and humble himself before his father, asking only that he can be an employee.
The whole time that the son was gone, the father mourned his presence. He worried about him and most likely prayed that he would someday see him again. As a parent, I am sure I would have cried buckets over a child that was lost to me. When the son returns, the father is overwhelmed with love. He runs and greets the stinky, pig slopping, wayward son. He orders clean fresh garments and a party to celebrate the return of the one who was lost to him.
We don’t know very much about this son. His reasons for leaving a loving home seem to be that he just wanted to have fun and live life without regard for the consequences. Now that I think about it, this story is about someone who was raised in a wealthy, caring, loving family that just made poor choices based on selfishness and ignorance. This is not the case of those who never had one good thing going for them. There are those that never had a chance at a normal life. Yet, both types of individuals end up the same place. So if you were never given a chance in life or if you were given everything in life, it doesn’t make a difference when you are starving to death on a pig farm. Could have, should have, would have games just won’t fly when you are in desperate need of the basic necessities of life. Salvation and redemption work just the same for anyone willing to cry out for the help of the Father.
If you sinned knowingly or out of ignorance, the solution is the same. If you lost your way or never knew the right way to go in the first place, the answer is identical for both situations. The love of the Father and his power to forgive unconditionally, restore and revive your life is the only solution. He is more than willing to heal, redeem, buy back our future and give us new life.
Then there were other girls, very few, that somehow got involved with the wrong people, at the wrong time and wrong place, and there they were. Some would be incarcerated for the rest of their lives, transferred to an adult prison at the end of their 18th year of existence on this earth. Many times I left that prison feeling like I had poured a glass of water into an ocean. What difference did I really make in these girl’s lives? I tried to assure the girls that God could and would redeem their lives and would use them to help others. I used to teach them the story of the prodigal son to instill hope in them.
The prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) is a familiar story to almost anyone who has read the Bible. It’s a story about the youngest son of a wealthy land owner who decides he wants all of his inheritance before the death of his father. His father gives him everything that is due him, knowing full well that this child is going in the wrong direction and that he is headed for disaster. The father never pulls back with his gifting to his son, nor does he put any restrictions on his son. As time passes, the son spends all that he has in partying and reckless living. He ends up not only working as a hired hand on a pig farm but trying to get the very food he is feeding the hogs, to feed himself. This is his lowest point. This is where he bottoms out. He knows his own father is a good man and that he treats his workers with care and respect. He decides to go home and humble himself before his father, asking only that he can be an employee.
The whole time that the son was gone, the father mourned his presence. He worried about him and most likely prayed that he would someday see him again. As a parent, I am sure I would have cried buckets over a child that was lost to me. When the son returns, the father is overwhelmed with love. He runs and greets the stinky, pig slopping, wayward son. He orders clean fresh garments and a party to celebrate the return of the one who was lost to him.
We don’t know very much about this son. His reasons for leaving a loving home seem to be that he just wanted to have fun and live life without regard for the consequences. Now that I think about it, this story is about someone who was raised in a wealthy, caring, loving family that just made poor choices based on selfishness and ignorance. This is not the case of those who never had one good thing going for them. There are those that never had a chance at a normal life. Yet, both types of individuals end up the same place. So if you were never given a chance in life or if you were given everything in life, it doesn’t make a difference when you are starving to death on a pig farm. Could have, should have, would have games just won’t fly when you are in desperate need of the basic necessities of life. Salvation and redemption work just the same for anyone willing to cry out for the help of the Father.
If you sinned knowingly or out of ignorance, the solution is the same. If you lost your way or never knew the right way to go in the first place, the answer is identical for both situations. The love of the Father and his power to forgive unconditionally, restore and revive your life is the only solution. He is more than willing to heal, redeem, buy back our future and give us new life.
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